Ready and RUBBING IT IN?

River: Okay, that's just my point of view but what would you call it when your radio show road trip buddy let's you know that not only has she lined up a guest host for her show for two weeks, taped years of radio segments in advance, filled a thousand orders for All Thing Southern t-shirts, started a new tv program and had her nails done - she has also lined up 14 days - count -em - 14 of pre- HOME COOKED meals for her husband with a MENU for each night's choices taped to her fridge. Seriously. Okay - just a few things were a stretch but the guest host, the shows, and the MEALS ARE NOT.  Tell the truth Shellie.


Shellie: The expression we use around here, Rivuh, is "tell the truth, girl,and stay in church" and so, I will. The guest host for the live show is so you and I can call in with a live update from the road. Good idea, huh? And I only pretaped four weeks worth of my daily segments for the other affiliates, not years. Oh, and I don't have a meal for every single day cooked for my husband. He will have to eat leftovers once or twice to make it all work out. ;)

River: So this puts just a little pressure on a woman that burns herself heating up a precooked chicken. And it was no small burn mind you. A woman is beating her head against the wall over just a few technical frustrations, a woman who tries to cook, Lord knows I do, but it's like spinning that big Wheel on the Price is Right - you just never know where it's gonna land, how burnt, cut and maimed I will be after the experience, or exactly what the food will taste or look like in the end of all that trouble.

Shellie: Poor Rivuh, I shouldn't have taunted you about the precooked meals. That was just flat out wrong. (But it was fun.)


River: So here's what I was thinking after sitting and mulling over what a loser wife I am and how my poor, hard working husband will be coming home to a cold kitchen. 1. Buy lots of frozen wing things in a bag and stick them in the freezer. 2. I  can't come up with a two. 3. Consider the fact that good buddy Shellie is obviously a whiz at this and maybe she can just stir up a few extra things for FOURTEEN DAYS and put names and numbers on them like DAY ONE, DAY TWO, DAY THREE - and so on - and put them in a cooler on her drive up here to Nashville. I'm thinking I can relocate them to my freezer with little maiming unless I trip and fall headlong, chest first into the gate post walking in the door which is a true story for another time.

Shellie: Okay, I'm just flat out chuckling aloud on this side of the screen. Had this come up sooner than say less than 48 HOURS before I have to strike out to your place, we may could have come up with something here.


River: It also occurred to me that Shellie's folks are concerned about her traveling with a 'stranger'  for good reason but there are some things that they will find comforting. I am not afraid of Rattlesnakes, spiders, or scorpians. I will kill them all. (Sorry to my friends who protect all things on the planet.) I have a real healthy respect for a Water Moccasin that will chase you across a dirt farm yard down by the creek  on a Summer day till you must get your hind in up the porch steps with a quickness. Ask me how I know. HOWEVER -  I can not stand, abide, get near, touch or talk to a big, old, black cockroach otherwise known as a Palmeto bug in the South which is just a lie with a word that sounds better. I will scream bloody murder if one comes near me flying high/low or otherwise. If it lands on me my eyes will fall out of my head and I will dance the strangest thing maniacal roach raid dance you have ever seen. God help us if one happens to get in the jeep and CRAWL UP MY LEG. All I can say is that Shellie you better take the wheel!

Shellie: As the Jetson's dog might have said, "Ruh, roh!" This is another one of those things that should've come up sooner. See here, Rivuh, I can and have killed my share of snakes. Why-- my sisters and I even hung green snakes by our ears (they make great dangly earrings) yeras ago, and I dare say I could do it again today. HOWEVER, I can not-- not-- kill cockroaches. My stomach rolls at the sight of the thing. As a matter of fact, I lost total interst in Survivor the very first time they thought it was a good idea to eat a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach! Eat. One. That's all I'm gonna say on that lest I get sick right here. I'm just saying, I stand with the legendary Suzanne Sugarbaker on this one who once said, "I say the men should have to kill the bugs." Here, here, Suzanne. Rivuh, if a cockroach gets on my leg, you will not need to know how to kill it because I will likely step out of your jeep to get away from it-- running or sitting still, makes no never mind to me.

 River: And just so you know that we do have the strangest things in common - Shellie and I had both agreed to do a little trip catching up planning on the phone Sunday since we have been running hard at it (right now I can't figure out a thing I've done since there isn't even a bag of frozen wing things or hot pockets in my fidge) but we needed to talk. Shellie text's me that she is on the porch and that Dixie Belle is ready to go.  Shellie would you have a pic that you can insert here?

Shellie: Why, of course. I'm thinking you're talking about the pic I sent you of Dixie Belle who was "working like a dog" beside me at the time.

River: And I look across the room and say, Yep - it looks like we are raring to go here too.

On a Wing and A Prayer folks! And just around the Corner!

River & Shellie

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Tour Time

Shellie: As the Great Southern Wing and a Prayer trip nears, River and I are trying to carve out time to discuss the many tour details that need addressing before we hit the road. And yet, as said road trip nears, the list of personal and business details that must be crossed off before we pull away from our respective homes is growing faster than the mold on the leftovers in my refrigerator (for the record, that’s on the list, too) and almost as fast as the list of caring questions from our family and friends, in particular our mamas, “Honey, do you really know that girl well enough to take off on a two-week road trip?”

River: As I said on the radio show today We are about to know one another a whoooooole lot better. And for the record - those moldy leftovers are on my list too. I know it's time to do it when I keep yelling at husband DON'T EAT THAT YOU'll GET SICK! anytime he pulls something out in tupperwear.

Shellie: Amidst today’s hustle and bustle, it occurs to me that River and I have talked to each other about the give-a-aways we’ll be doing along the way, but I don’t know that we’ve told y’all how this is gonna work. So, here goes what I know and River can chime in:

River: Hmmmm, Shellie's right. We don't have time to breathe much less talk as we get closer to the wire. Let me go see if what she is saying is what we said.

Shellie: At each stop on the landing we’ll be drawing winners/door prizes from those attending the event. (Please see box on left hand banner to know where we’ll be and when we’ll be. Asking me would be useless, but I actually think River has it memorized. Memorized. Color me impressed.) Yes, that means you must be present to win and while we know your mamas are just as adorable as ours, she can’t win unless you bring her. Prizes include books and Literary Threads book bags, All Things Southern t-shirts, Book Crossing cool things, and Panola Pepper Products!

River: EXACTLY. We tried to think of other ways but this is the perfect reward for taping American Idol, throwing something in the crockpot for dinner, and getting out to see us on the ROAD!

Shellie: We’re also gonna be giving away daily prizes to those who follow the tour. I was gonna say “track us” on tour, but that just looked scary in a stalker kind of way. I’m not gonna stop here and tell y’all about Stalker Boy from high school who stashed prizes in my locker and hid to watch me find them even though it is a great story cuz he may find it and then, well, there you go.

River: Shellie put that down for a story on the road after you scan the audience to make sure Stalker boy isn't present (but on the hush hush - yes tour trackers is right.)

Shellie: Rules to win the “follow” prizes: You must be signed up to follow the tour here and you must leave a daily comment on facebook, twitter, or here on the blog. We would prefer these to have something to do with the tour, but heck, if you feel the need to comment on your Cousin Betty’s fourth husband we’ll be fine with that, but do know she may find her way into our next project. Material is a finders’ keepers thing with us.

River: Don't you know we are using this big radio road trip as a sneaky, secret way to get new story material? Sure you do! The fun part is that all along the trip we will have new stories to tell from the road we just traveled.

Shellie: And now, back to the races. You may return to your regularly scheduled browsing.

River: PS - I am proud to report that baby Jeep Angel is reportedly leaving the shop finally today after that little run in with the deer.

Keep reading and keep believing,
Shellie and River

Write and Win!

Shellie: Hey y'all! Monday night, Feb. 15th, River and I will draw a name from the hat and send someone a signed copy of each of our books, along with two All Things Southern t-shirts, one for you and one for a friend, that I'm tossing in just cuz. So, how do you get your name in the hat? The rules are simple:

1. Sign up to follow this blog. It won't hurt. I promise, and you'll be able to keep up with the tour!
2. Come up with a slogan for our tour and leave it as a comment.
3. Sit up pretty and be sweet.

River: Or Sit sweet and be pretty. Actually - just tell other people they are pretty no matter what. Specially the older they are. I don't care how you sit if you are reading one of our books. You can hang upside down off the couch.

Shellie: Okay, so that last one isn't exactly a rule. I think I was channeling Mama there for a second. But you have to follow the first two or game over.

Tread softly and carry a ton of books!

River: We apprecitate you keeping up with us cause God knows somebody needs to!
Shellie: Amen.

Keep reading and Keep believing!
Shellie and River