Monday, March 15, 2010

Ready and RUBBING IT IN?

River: Okay, that's just my point of view but what would you call it when your radio show road trip buddy let's you know that not only has she lined up a guest host for her show for two weeks, taped years of radio segments in advance, filled a thousand orders for All Thing Southern t-shirts, started a new tv program and had her nails done - she has also lined up 14 days - count -em - 14 of pre- HOME COOKED meals for her husband with a MENU for each night's choices taped to her fridge. Seriously. Okay - just a few things were a stretch but the guest host, the shows, and the MEALS ARE NOT.  Tell the truth Shellie.

Shellie: The expression we use around here, Rivuh, is "tell the truth, girl,and stay in church" and so, I will. The guest host for the live show is so you and I can call in with a live update from the road. Good idea, huh? And I only pretaped four weeks worth of my daily segments for the other affiliates, not years. Oh, and I don't have a meal for every single day cooked for my husband. He will have to eat leftovers once or twice to make it all work out. ;)

River: So this puts just a little pressure on a woman that burns herself heating up a precooked chicken. And it was no small burn mind you. A woman is beating her head against the wall over just a few technical frustrations, a woman who tries to cook, Lord knows I do, but it's like spinning that big Wheel on the Price is Right - you just never know where it's gonna land, how burnt, cut and maimed I will be after the experience, or exactly what the food will taste or look like in the end of all that trouble.

Shellie: Poor Rivuh, I shouldn't have taunted you about the precooked meals. That was just flat out wrong. (But it was fun.)

River: So here's what I was thinking after sitting and mulling over what a loser wife I am and how my poor, hard working husband will be coming home to a cold kitchen. 1. Buy lots of frozen wing things in a bag and stick them in the freezer. 2. I  can't come up with a two. 3. Consider the fact that good buddy Shellie is obviously a whiz at this and maybe she can just stir up a few extra things for FOURTEEN DAYS and put names and numbers on them like DAY ONE, DAY TWO, DAY THREE - and so on - and put them in a cooler on her drive up here to Nashville. I'm thinking I can relocate them to my freezer with little maiming unless I trip and fall headlong, chest first into the gate post walking in the door which is a true story for another time.

Shellie: Okay, I'm just flat out chuckling aloud on this side of the screen. Had this come up sooner than say less than 48 HOURS before I have to strike out to your place, we may could have come up with something here.

River: It also occurred to me that Shellie's folks are concerned about her traveling with a 'stranger'  for good reason but there are some things that they will find comforting. I am not afraid of Rattlesnakes, spiders, or scorpians. I will kill them all. (Sorry to my friends who protect all things on the planet.) I have a real healthy respect for a Water Moccasin that will chase you across a dirt farm yard down by the creek  on a Summer day till you must get your hind in up the porch steps with a quickness. Ask me how I know. HOWEVER -  I can not stand, abide, get near, touch or talk to a big, old, black cockroach otherwise known as a Palmeto bug in the South which is just a lie with a word that sounds better. I will scream bloody murder if one comes near me flying high/low or otherwise. If it lands on me my eyes will fall out of my head and I will dance the strangest thing maniacal roach raid dance you have ever seen. God help us if one happens to get in the jeep and CRAWL UP MY LEG. All I can say is that Shellie you better take the wheel!

Shellie: As the Jetson's dog might have said, "Ruh, roh!" This is another one of those things that should've come up sooner. See here, Rivuh, I can and have killed my share of snakes. Why-- my sisters and I even hung green snakes by our ears (they make great dangly earrings) yeras ago, and I dare say I could do it again today. HOWEVER, I can not-- not-- kill cockroaches. My stomach rolls at the sight of the thing. As a matter of fact, I lost total interst in Survivor the very first time they thought it was a good idea to eat a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach! Eat. One. That's all I'm gonna say on that lest I get sick right here. I'm just saying, I stand with the legendary Suzanne Sugarbaker on this one who once said, "I say the men should have to kill the bugs." Here, here, Suzanne. Rivuh, if a cockroach gets on my leg, you will not need to know how to kill it because I will likely step out of your jeep to get away from it-- running or sitting still, makes no never mind to me.

 River: And just so you know that we do have the strangest things in common - Shellie and I had both agreed to do a little trip catching up planning on the phone Sunday since we have been running hard at it (right now I can't figure out a thing I've done since there isn't even a bag of frozen wing things or hot pockets in my fidge) but we needed to talk. Shellie text's me that she is on the porch and that Dixie Belle is ready to go.  Shellie would you have a pic that you can insert here?

Shellie: Why, of course. I'm thinking you're talking about the pic I sent you of Dixie Belle who was "working like a dog" beside me at the time.

River: And I look across the room and say, Yep - it looks like we are raring to go here too.

On a Wing and A Prayer folks! And just around the Corner!

River & Shellie


  1. Rivuh, Sweetie, get the man a couple of gift cards for restaurants he likes... and tell the church ladies that he'll be fending for himself for two weeks, they'll feed him. (He might even put on weight while you're gone!)

    As for the creepies? I hate anything that crunches. I'm very much a girl then unless I'm the only one around. Isn't that a Southern Belle thing? If a man's around, we get him to take care of those things, but when we're alone and no one else can take it on, we do with finesse?

    Can't wait to see this trip take off!

  2. Oh my gosh! I can't believe you are actually leaving for the tour now! I know you are going to have a blast and I am jealous of all the women that will get to hear and see you speak! Better be good though, I know how you get when you with the girls! Crazy is an understatement!