Thursday, February 25, 2010

Why We Might Not Be Packing Guns

River: Okay there is a disclaimer here - for those of you who support major gun control and wish they would fall off the planet - I UNDERSTAND. BUT = I was raised in the Rural South where everyone had a gun and they used it for hunting and protecting the little house back up in those woods.

Shellie: Not to mention having it on hand to fire once, just once, straight up in the air to usher in the New Year. What? Everyone's daddy didn't do that?

River: And where I come from everyone was in a little house in the middle of nowhere surrounded by lots and lots of trees, howling, who-ing, and otherwise spookety night time noises with dark that is really, really, DARK! 911 is not an option. A telephone might be an option but not emergency hurry up services.

Shellie: Of course, back on Bull Run Road, the first emergency call didn't go to the authorities. It went to whoever picked up the party line. This ernest soul made sure a slew of folks came to your aid, like yesterday, men packing heat and women packing food because heavens knows you need to keep your strength up.

River: This brings us to the present where I was raised around woman folk who carried guns too. In their pocketbooks if need be. By the bed - you know, just in case an intruder thought twice about surfacing in that dark night. And yes, the shotgun is loaded and by the back door.

Shellie: Have I told y'all about the time, pre-author/interior decorater days, when I was confronted by a crazy lady (verified) with a shotgun by the door? I think I'll save it for the tour...

River: Have I told ya'll about the woman I met with a shotgun as one of my first introductions to Tennessee? i could see was her from the waist down holding that shotgun she had just fired. Yep, Shellie I better save this for tour also. Understandably, I have had some family members recommend that Shellie and I pack something special for the trip. You know, something cute, shiny, and wearing bullets.

Shellie: And I've had family and friends who can't imagine that we would leave without bullets. On my last road tour my Papa sent me off with mace and a billy club-- and he still thought I was woefully unprepared.

River: But here's the gig - Have you seen Shellie's All Things Southern Chat talking about too many programs open? Have you read my blog about Where Do All The Lost Things Go?  For good reason both of our respective husbands (unbeknowst to one another) have strongly voiced an opinion that we might just shoot ourselves by accident. Hmmm. Let me think about this a moment.

I have images of Shellie holding a cute, shiny thing to her ear thinking it's her cell phone and me crawling all over the backseat saying having you seen my gun? I swear it was  just here a minute ago.

Shellie: Good Lord, Rivuh, that's not a visual, that's a prophecy!

River: There are some people that shouldn't drive around with cases of great giveaways, video and radio recording equpment, books, cell phones, laptops and back-up laptops, flip phones and BULLETS.

(Shellie: For the record, I still say we should leave it up in the air as to whether or not we're really packing heat. You know, keep 'em guessing and all.)

River: I guess we'll just have to kiss our Annie Get Your Gun Roots goodbye and hit the road with just A WING AND A PRAYER!

Shellie: River's right! (wink, wink) No guns!

Keep reading, keep believing
River and Shellie


  1. I'd give you a big ol can of Pepper Spray to take but I'm scared you get to rushing around and grab it thinking it's hairspray and...

  2. AL, You are so right. You totally get the picture. My husband is starting to get a little nervous about the two of us going this many miles on the road together.